Thursday, November 29, 2012

Dave's not here, man, but luckily Fergus is

Venue: Fergus Cafe
Style: Breakfast/Brunch, European, Latin
Address: 301 Wattletree Road, Malvern East [Google Maps]
Phone: (03) 9509 8351
Hours: Mon-Fri 7.00am - 4.00pm / Sat-Sun 8.00am - 4.00pm
Prices: Snacks $4-7 / Mains $9-16
Bookings: No

Sweet pumpkin pancakes w/ toasted pepitas, spiced coffee cream, syrup

Without being able to explain why, 'Fergus' sounds to me like an affectionate nickname for a stoner. A rigorous 12 seconds on Wikipedia reveals that the name is of Old Irish origins and means 'virility,' which is fitting, as residents of Malvern now have a compelling reason to get up in the morning.

Coming by way of Chapel St's seductive Eau de Vie, Fergus' owner has designed a menu with Latin and Mediterranean influences and - at last! - some original breakfast offerings for those of us who would like to try something other than avocado and hollandaise.

The interior design of white tiles with blue accents, industrial fixtures and pop art sounds like the makings of a confused-looking bathroom, but the effect is a bright, glossy space set off with lovely details, such as the house-made nougat wrapped in paper atop a bountiful glass case of caramel slice, croissants and other delectable means of developing cavities.


Treats made in-house: muffins and nougat





Short macchiato, coffee roasted by the Maling Room

Apparently, the coffee is roasted by the Maling Room - call me a philistine if you will, but that doesn't mean a whole lot to me, as I've not drunk enough coffee to be able to taste a roaster's distinctive approach (it seems nowadays that everything requires tasting notes...coffee, beer, tea...a conspiracy of  enterprising sommeliers?). I do drink short macchiatos however and they're usually overextracted. This one is satisfying, smooth and hot.

J kindly offers me a taste of his big breakfast of poached eggs with chilli jam, smashed avocado, spinach, bacon and chorizo. The sausage is the highlight, with lots of smoke, particularly after the disappointment of the Bratwurst masquerading as chorizo at the Latin Festival on Johnston St.

Poached eggs, chilli jam, chorizo, bacon, spinach, smashed avocado

I order the sweet pumpkin pancakes on the basis that they are the chef's signature dish and that I have never seen them on a menu before. They take a little more time to arrive than I'd expected, but I'll wait for them again if I must: they are so soft they melt away in my mouth, the pepitas countering with their crunchy texture. Spiced coffee cream is an inspired condiment, although it virtually melts as soon as it touches the hot pancakes. It's a rich, simple, aromatic dish and it's all I need to know what Fergus is about.

Granted, I'll be back to establish what the pulled pork roll on the lunch menu is all about.


Fergus Cafe on Urbanspoon

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Mi casa, su casa, pass the tequila

Venue: Fonda Mexican
Style: Mexican
Address: 248 Swan Street, Richmond [Google Maps]
Phone: (03) 9429 0085
Hours: Sun-Thu 12.00pm - 9.30pm / Fri & Sat 12.00pm - 10.30pm
Prices: Tacos $6 / Mains $12-15
Bookings: No

Chilled horchata and mixed tacos

This week, Melburnians were treated to the first breath of spring weather, with conditions - at last - ever so slightly more hospitable than the Arctic Circle. The warm air and lunchtime rays put us in the mood for chillis and citrus, something bright and fresh.

Sage advice

Fonda Mexican is doing a roaring trade at midday but happily, there are no queues of Mamasita-proportions to deal with. It has the feel of a Mexican diner, with friendly, efficient service, a hypercolour drinking courtyard and cheerful music. We sit kerbside and are promptly joined by our food.


Ample portions of horchata are served in jars and are the ideal respite when your mouth is overloaded with jalapeños. This milky beverage is light and rejuvenating, gently spiced with cinnamon and vanilla. It is a testament to what can be done with evaporated milk, which I've a growing appreciation for since a friend made a sumptuous aji de gallina for me (a spicy, Peruvian chicken stew).


Soft tacos are pressed to order; the slow-cooked goat taco is succulent and creamy, with its ample lashing of guacamole. As some other diners have mentioned, the meaty tacos have a propensity to drip, so leave the white Armani at home, but I was not bothered, such was my happiness munching on such delicious fare in the sunshine.

The fish taco is also good, an elegant vehicle for the power of the chipotle aioli, accompanied with crunchy, pickled vegetables.

Two tacos is enough to sate me today, so I've no excuse to try the pickled cactus quesadilla, but indeed, we've summer still to come and Fonda Mexican are considerate enough to not only be cooking traditional, delicious cantina fare, but also to be licensed and serving up 100% agave frozen margaritas.




Fonda Mexican on Urbanspoon

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

A wonderful, maaagical animal

Venue: Breslin Bar & Grill
Style: Steakhouse, Rotisserie, BBQ
Address: 3 Southbank Boulevard, Southbank [Google Maps]
Phone: (03) 9455 8855
Hours: Lunch and dinner / 7 days
Prices: Starters $19 / Mains $20-40 / Tasting menu $80
Bookings: Accepted

With its antler chandeliers, varnished surfaces and statement Laguiole cutlery, the Breslin Bar & Grill brings to Southbank a steakhouse with the look of a high-gloss hunting lodge. Billed as an ‘in your face’ temple where the carcass is consecrated, diners can choose from wood-fired steaks and ribs to sharing feasts that revolve around utilizing every part of one magical animal.




In their first week of trade, the restaurant is doing a reasonable number of covers on the Monday night we visit, though with the noise and light level low, the atmosphere is rather serious and does not have much in common with the traditionally raucous New York steakhouse, from which the Breslin takes its inspiration. However, the chef has organized for us a menu showcasing the cuts from a Flinders Island lamb and the eating proves to be in the spirit of joyful, carnivorous abandon.

Shredded lamb neck croquettes w/ pepperonata salsa

Shredded lamb neck croquettes fall apart beautifully beneath our forks and each mouthful reveals salty treasures within, including capers, olives and smooth goats cheese. The accompanying 2010 Alsace Gentil "Hugel" offers good body and a little spice, with the easy-drinking characteristics of pinot gris.


Lamb burger sliders

Across the entire table, lamb burger sliders are a hit. The pattie is exceptionally flavoursome and not at all dry, finished with sweet relish and a generous helping of thick tzatziki.



12-hour braised lamb ribs w/ mint verde

Unfortunately, a distinct lack of seasoning on the lamb ribs is very noticeable, after the things the lamb burger did to our mouths. The ribs are well cooked, with a satisfying distribution of fat, but the finish is too rich and we find ourselves wanting for citrus or gremolata, something to brighten up the taste of the meat. The mint sauce sounds as though it should work but it's unremarkable. We also note the lack of a finger bowl in which to dip our greasy digits.

Pan fried lamb brains w/ salad of cos, green beans, peas, broad beans and truffle oil

Upon arrival, I did note that our little menus made mention of an entrée of lamb brains and I took a breath: my last culinary frontier. In spite of having grown up happily chowing down on tongue, neck, cheek and liver, there is something about the notion of dining on brains that has always given me a headache, almost like psychic pain, leaving me with a desire to clutch at my scalp.

Verdict? A fellow diner likened the texture to pudding and he's not far off; it's very soft and yielding, while holding its shape. It practically melts away in my mouth, but nevertheless, I can't resist piling the salad of beans and peas in after it, to neutralize the sensation (the salad is delicate and pleasing in its own right, but as it turns out, the rest of the table is offended by the dish - not by virtue of the creamy little brains but the truffle oil).

I switch to merlot in readiness for the main course, a trio of Flinders Island lamb consisting of:

- Rotisserie saddle with anchovy and seeded mustard filling,
- Leg of lamb deboned and flame cooked, and
- Pink rack of lamb point.

Trio of Flinders Island lamb...


...with luxurious jus, borlotti beans and baby potatoes

Accompaniments include bitter greens, a marvellously buttery jus that I wish to swim in, fresh borlotti beans, very good herbed, baby potatoes and a selection of mustards, horseradish and sauces. This is a beautiful product that has been cooked flawlessly; the colour is enticingly pink and each part is tender and comforting to eat, everything you hope for with lamb.

Recognition that I am full has no bearing on my appetite for dessert. We presume we'll be seeing a quintessential New York cheesecake. Rather, the star of the sweets selection is a tall, enticing trifle, with oodles of rhubarb and vanilla custard, with a brûlée lid. You don't eat it so much as excavate for it with a long spoon and it's not the ideal dish for sharing, but we've grown comfortable with the feel-good food and no-one begrudges anybody else the mess they make as they obtain their share.

The bread and butter pudding is warm and gratifying, with ample dried fruit and a dollop of exceptional clotted cream. I also enjoy the plush carrot and walnut cake, though others are underwhelmed. When we attempt to section off the tart however, the pastry proves to be extremely hard and the lemon filling is too thick to be called curd.


Lemon meringue tart and bread & butter pudding

Carrot walnut cake w/ Chantilly cream and trifle

The essential components are there, in spite of a few missteps. Our lamb menu was pleasurable and varied, with dishes that were at times flawless (slider, trio) and challenging (I still could not bring myself to order brains of my own volition).

The Breslin is a welcome injection of personality to the Southbank dining precinct and I am hungry to see what they do with beef (hold the testicles).




Breslin Bar & Grill on Urbanspoon

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Lessons in vegetarianism from Croatia

Having decimated the Greek dolmades population, I made for Croatia, where a rampage against the nation's culinary treats was high on the agenda. Diversity and quality though were not generally high and while the ćevapčići were tasty, the emphasis on minced meat, sausage and pizza made for a heavy heart (and stomach).

In Old Town Dubrovnik however, I found one of the best dining experiences of my trip, Nishta Vegetarian Restaurant (food porn further down), which inspired this week's breakfast-dessert of wild rice, citrus, berries and creamy coconut.

Lemon cardamom wild rice w/ yogurt, berry coulis, coconut and mint

To make this yourself, you'll need:

  • 100g Canadian wild rice
  • 250ml light coconut milk
  • 1 tsp palm sugar
  • 2 tsp cardamom
  • 1 tbsp lemon zest
  • Natural yogurt
  • Dessicated coconut
  • Fresh mint
  • Quantity of berry coulis

As far as the coulis is concerned, you could pull a Nigella and buy a very nice jar of St Dalfour preserves, or you can make it yourself by gently boiling 250g of mixed berries, 75g of castor sugar and 50ml of water and passing the mixture through a sieve (excess quantities will freeze well).

Rinse the rice and simmer over medium heat in coconut milk with palm sugar, cardamom and lemon zest for 40 minutes, stirring often. Keep tasting and add more palm sugar, cardamom and zest as necessary, as the desired strength of these elements is subjective. Turn out and top with a dollop of natural yogurt, lashings of berry coulis, a sprinkling of coconut and fresh mint leaves.

Nishta's food was so delicious and clean tasting that I made the unprecedented decision to return for dinner, having enjoyed my lunch so much. A mix of vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free and raw selections offer diversity of flavour, texture and ethnicity, with influences from Indian, Japanese, Mexican and Italian cuisine.

With the temperature climbing as high as 38°C, the raw zucchini "spaghetti" was refreshing and light. The zucchini quite effectively mimics pasta, with its neutral taste, boosted by a rich sauce of sundried tomatoes, dates, basil and olive oil. Diced tomato and basil leaves finish the dish. I wish to order it again but opt to try dessert instead.

Zucchini "spaghetti" w/ sundried tomato, date and basil sauce

Cute and colourful rice noodle pudding arrives in its own jar, with spice, citrus and a thick topping of raspberry coulis, with fresh mint. I promptly make my dinner reservation.

Rice noodle pudding w/ raspberry coulis and mint


The steep landscape of the town have my quadriceps working over time and I am famished by the time dinner rolls around, an excellent excuse to go the full three-course set. I start with aromatic, unsweetened ginger ale, which has compelled me to try some at-home fermentation.

Caramelized tofu and pineapple skewers are firm, savoury and sweet, drizzled in smooth peanut sauce and served with quinoa salad of walnuts and coriander that is excellent in its own right.

Tofu skewers w/ peanut sauce and quinoa salad / House-made unsweetened ginger ale

A thick ragu of grah seasoned with smoked seitan and mustard is hearty and rich, served alla parmigiana with grilled polenta.

Bean and lentil grah w/ polenta triangles

The density of the grah sees me taking a break before dessert - an elegant glass of figs macerated in dessert wine and topped with creamy cinnamon mascarpone strewn with tangy strands of candied orange zest and buttery biscuit pieces.

Cinnamon mascarpone, figs macerated in dessert wine, candied orange zest, biscuit pieces

Vegetarianism seems like such a challenge, until you experience possibilities like this. Outstanding.

Ginger fermentation experiments forthcoming...

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Diversity in the tajine pool

July 29, 2012
Marrakech Airport is something of an administrative obstacle course between running the gauntlet of customs, having your documents checked again, swapping EUROs for dirhams and tracking down your luggage (lonesome on the floor by the conveyor belt, looking like a security risk).

Beef tajine @ Les Jardins de Ouarzazate

Racing toward the city, we're flanked on all sides by donkeys, motorbikes, old Mercedes and olive trees. The red housing spans the horizon but there is no high-rise; I learn later that the tallest structure in the city is the 12th century Koutoubia Mosque and it is decreed that nothing be built any higher than its four-tier, golden minuret. The city walls span 26 kilometres through which, as with the Old City of Jerusalem, there are a number of entrances, each with their own name, determined by their purpose. For instance, the "Door of Leather" refers to where one could find the tanneries (as opposed to the Marrakech fetish scene, presumably).



An outing to the medina is unexpectedly exhausting, in that one must be on their guard at all times. We are mercilessly harassed by vendors and men but we ignore them and keep walking. The market alleys are winding, bustling and colourful, with baked goods, tajine cookers, tea sets, traditional clothing, Moroccan furniture and a fabulously ornate bathtub for sale. We're dodging donkeys, bikes and the surge of locals, having just flooded the streets at the end of afternoon prayer, when we decide to return to the square. I buy a delicious mix of dates, apricots and nuts slathered in honey and sesame seeds, as well as a drink from one of the dozens of fresh orange juice stands. It's ice cold and a mere 4dh; it may also have crack in it, as I find it addictive.






As the afternoon wears on, snake charmers and monkeys emerge, the latter doing flips and chasing tourists as far as their leashes will allow. I've no interest in paying for such "entertainment," owing to some awareness of what those animals are subjected to.



The urgent persistence of some of the vendors and their unabashed resent and verbal abuse when one politely declines an invitation to browse their wares is indicative of a market that cannot accommodate luxuries like basic respect. There may be an assumption that as Westerners who can afford to travel, likewise, we surely have money to burn. And if you have little, there is little distinction to be made between those who are simply comfortable and those who are rich. Perhaps there is no actual distinction whatsoever, if the salient point is a sense of freedom. Irrespective of the dollar value, an accumulation of wealth is a cornerstone of having agency: it means choice, not having to depend on others, security. It means fewer limits. It is the difference between a dream and a boarding pass. Accordingly, I did not respond any time we were insulted (happily, this attitude is not one I've encountered outside of Marrakech thus far).

Whale marrow

The onset of night brought the relief of cool air and a meal of soup with with harissa and chicken tajine spiked with turmeric, cumin and cardamom.



In the morning, we enjoyed chocolate croissants for breakfast (a remnant of the French occupation of 1912-56) and set off for Ouarzazate.








We pass the Marrakech-equivalent of Melbourne's Docklands - government built suburbs that appear empty; red ghost towns. We climb as high as 2,500 metres in the Atlas Mountains and stop for "Berber whiskey" - freshly brewed mint tea ("All delicious, no headache!"). Ouarzazate turns out to be very cosmopolitan, owing to its position as a premier shooting location for Hollywood, with two film studios, a film school, outdoor sets and more infrastructure than Marrakech appears to have (shoots include Kundun, Kingdom of Heaven, Gladiator, The Hills Have Eyes and The Last Temptation of Christ). The temperature is soaring by the time we reach Les Jardins de Ouarzazate and while there is no humidity to complain about, a swim is a priority. We lunch on divinely fresh, crunchy salads - grated carrot, rice, Spanish onion, potato salad, capsicum - and a superb beef tajine; I am positively drooling all over myself as I savour the richness of the sauce, set against the sweet, mollassassey prunes.






Unfortunately, the Valley of the Roses is devoid of said flowerings at this time of the year. Rose products are the predominant souvenir at our rest stop, as well as Morocco snowglobes. Granted, it does snow in the high Atlas Mountains but icicles and sleet will not be the things that evoke memories of northern Africa once I am back home.



Near to our hotel in the Todra Gorge, the mountain faces take on strange new forms, of massive, rounded boulders heaped on top of one another, slanting diagnolly. In the sunset light, the shadows stretch out and the crevices appear to deepen, for a landscape that is at once majestic and haunting.



We enjoy the balcony extending from our room before showering and changing for dinner. The meal consists of thicky, meaty soup, chicken and lamb skewers hiding beneath French fries and vegetable cous-cous with fragrant chicken. To our surprise, the menu makes provisions for alcoholic beverages and A, N and I each order half bottles of rosé. We see out the evening with tea on the verandah, discussing travel, photography and proposed venues for a hammam once we return to Marrakech. I sleep the sleep of the comatose.



Oranges and cinnamon


July 30, 2012
I am PUMPED to find the local equivalent of pancakes at breakfast. Closer to roti, with berry preserve and Laughing Cow cheese, they make for potent fuel for the day ahead. We check into another beautiful hotel, with a brightly-coloured pool area, the blues, golds and green of the trellis juxtaposed against the looming, red mountains.

Remember those Looney Tunes cartoons depicting the protagonist lost in the desert? He inevitably finds himself taunted by a persistent mirage: an oasis, emerging amongst the dunes, all bent palm trees and a perfect mirror of a lake. It is even more of a mirage than I'd guessed, for today we hiked a real oasis and found it to be the perfect encapsulation of 'tranquil agility test.'

Someday he'll find a rainbow connection

We traversed the rocky riverbank, through and over undergrowth of bamboo, date and fig trees and white and purple flowering plants, scattered with darting, miniscule frogs. I was muddied and sweaty by the time we reached the kasbah. I felt like a furnace, like I'd swallowed the roughness of the landscape and my insides were coated in the dust we'd stirred up and breathed in, and I liked it. I was ravenous, however. We'd obtained canine company on the trek and when I turned a corner of the kasbah, there was one of the dogs, facing forward but with his head turned back towards me, as if to say, "Come on, slowpoke, it's this way."




Inside, we are welcomed warmly, our host sheathed in a royal blue tunic with yellow detail and a turban. He graciously asks that we remove our shoes and seats us in a room lined with handmade Berber carpets. We are grateful for another refreshing salad platter, this time consisting of two kinds of olives, carrot, cucumber and a Moroccan take on salsa. Our main course is an alternative interpretation of tajine, chiefly made with eggs, tomatoes, onions and spices. It resembles an omlette and while it lacks the bold savouriness of yesterday's beef variant, it is light and very easy to eat considering the weather.


Our hosts make fresh mint tea for us, memorable by virtue of the phallic mound of sugar used to sweeten the brew. They explain to us the workings of the carpet co-operative and then fit us with richly-coloured scarves shaped into turbans in readiness for our time in the Sahara, commencing tomorrow.





On the way back to the hotel, we take a walk through a section of the gorge, where hundreds of locals are cooling off in the river. Most barely notice us but the ones that do smile warmly and converse with us en Francais.





We always eat late, owing to the locals not preparing dinner until after sundown, in line with their observance of Ramadan, but I am not perturbed. We are always fed so well; the food is rustic and made from good produce and any chance of scaling back my gluttony seems remote.

August 1st, 2012
I found the isolation I was looking for, last night in the desert. I wandered away from the dune boarding contingent, to where it was silent, save for the sound of the wind whistling through my headscarf. The sand beneath my feet was not yellow like that at home; this was red, fine and shaped by the wind into uniform ridges. The sun was about to set but the moon was already high and I savoured the pleasure of having made it to this place. I thought of my luck, being here, about to sleep in the cool evening air of the Sahara and yet, that that luck was of my own making. I thought of Zaida, wondering if after all he'd been through, he could have imagined that his offspring would have such freedom, that the world would open up before them and that there'd be virtually no limits on how far we might venture and what sort of life we might live.



On Monday evening, we dined beneath the leafy trellis by the pool, the Atlas Mountains rising ominously around us, silhouetted by the moonlight. A starter of tomato soup is unremarkable, but the kefte - spiced meatballs in slow simmered tomatoes - were succulent, sweet and enriched with the texture of the boiled egg halves on top. Sadly, the sweet vanilla yogurt dessert cloaks bananas so I overdosed on peanuts instead, with freshly brewed mint tea.


We linger over breakfast of bread, eggs, creamy, shaved butter, fresh orange juice, preserves and viscous, floral-flavoured honey. You know you're on an overland trip when 9.00am qualifies as a late start.



At our second rest stop, I write a postcard, making mention of The Tea Party being my preferred soundtrack as we race through Morocco (although anything is a relief after having Pete Murray inficted on me). We reach Kasbah Ennasra after midday, another breathtaking hotel of yellow and red tiles, tree-lined, open-air hallways, wrought iron furnishings inlaid with marble and colourful upholstery and accents of dark wood, purple linen and ornate mirrors. The dining room overlooks another glamorous pool area, a blaze of turquoise.







Our multi-course lunch opens with plush bread, like brioche; I am hard-pressed to limit myself to one piece, dipping it into the pale olive oil on the table. Thankfully, I do, as we're then presented with tea, a warm plate of ratatouille, rice, orange slices and olives and in quick succession, triangles of bread filled with softened onions and lamb cooked in cumin, coriander and a little chilli. For main course, spiced chicken, potato salad and cucumber slices. Everything is good and clean-tasting. Dessert is outstanding - smooth creme caramel with sauce exhibiting that characteristic just-burnt taste.


A couple of hours of off-road driving later, we spy our caravan of camels in the distance. I realize that although the headscarf turbans did make for a worthwhile exercise in mugging for the camera, they are an indispensable practicality. The wind carries the sand all around us and the scarf keeps it out of my hair and off of my face. It is then for us to choose a camel by standing next to it. They're peaceful animals, for the most part. Some wail loudly for no apparent reason, sounding like Chewbacca. I elect a tall, white camel and I deliberate over nicknames, sorry that I am unfamiliar with any great African philosophers to call him after, settling on Sir Humps A Lot.

On the ride, I'm struck by the desert's vastness, inhospitability and silence. The presence of tourists notwithstanding, it seems lonely and I imagine how threatening such a landcape would have been in the days prior to GPS and dehydrated food. My mental meanderings are interrupted whenever our camels take a steep step downwards and I lean back, clinging determinedly to the saddle. The clouds behind me are ablaze with the beams of the setting sun.



At the camp, we dune board and dine on olives with chilli and preserved lemon, peanuts, popcorn (which is both puzzling and welcome), another variant on ratatouille, with rice, lamb skewers that are satisfyingly charred and an onion-heavy tajine.





The bathroom at the end of the camp is something that a great many hostels and music festivals should aspire to - not only is it a flushing, Western model, but it is clean and not bereft of toilet paper. I pick a mattress out of a tent, but I only join in with the music-making by the fire briefly, as fatigue has me overcome. I lie down, keen to do some writing by the ample moonlight, but tiredness dissuades me and I fall asleep quickly.When I wake in the middle of the night, there is no sound whatsoever and I feel as though I am on an island out in space, disconnected from the world.


We're awoken at 5:00am and ride our camels out to watch the sunrise between two enormous dunes. Daylight floods the sky rapidly and we ride on to breakfast. I switch on my music, riding high through the desert to the frenetic ministrations of Metallica, Rammstein, Rage Against the Machine and In Living Colour.


On the drive back to Ouarzazate, we pass tiered gorges and a variety of towering rock formations, including a distinctive protrusion resembling the back of a stegosaurus, as well as an expired donkey. I consider the harshness and exoticism of the surrounding land and I ruminate over the possibiity that I am one of many tourists "playing desert" - approaching adventure but stopping just short and being coddled through a veritable "Morroco Theme Park" by the local guides. What, however, do I expect? Would I feel closer to the brink of authenticity if we'd inadvertently found ourselves driving side by side with members of the local gun running syndicate? I have loved the food and experiences so far, but when people remark on how far flung and dangerous some of my travel is, I'm compelled to clarify that it's low-risk and I can't really be considered brave or intrepid. I did have my anxieties prior to the trip and specifically about Morocco, but now that I am here, I am informed and I know how safe it is (realizing of course that "safe" is subjective; Ibrahim suggested we recommend the trip to DFAT personnel so that they might downgrade their warnings against Morocco). The conditions are challenging and the heat alone would put many off. However, even though I am essentially a morbid gothophile with a fetish for winter and a phobia of the beach, I love and have hungered for red soil on my insides, in the air I breathe, sweat and traditional music sounding through the city, alien rituals that remind me that people everywhere are striving to live a meaningful life, feel connected to something, come to terms with death and find wisdom, love, solace.



Dinner back at Les Jardins de Ouarzazate includes another bountiful spread of salad, chicken tajine with peas, beef tajine with root vegetables, warm, sultana-topped cous-cous and syrup-filled crepes. Rapturous! I digest by the pool with V, while Ibrahim, N and A swim, the latter two gradually finishing their warm wine. I assist with the last drops and proceed to launch myself at my bed.

August 4, 2012
On Thursday morning , I get my fill of soil as a group of us go quadbiking through the rough landscape of Ouarzazate. We commence near the film sets for Kingdom of Heaven, Prince of Persia and The Hills Have Eyes, rounding through agricultural plots, down rocky slopes and through residential areas. The experience gave me a taste of why people are passionate about motorbikes. Having washed off thick coatings of dust and changed, I felt considerably fresher...until I set foot outside. At a rest stop, I demolish coconut yogurt, pineapple-coconut juice (the nearest thing to a cocktail so far), muesli biscuits and water.


We arrive at Ait Benhaddou, a colossal, fortified city clinging to the side of a mountain, with a rainbow coloured rockface. Ibrahim explains the city's history as a stopover on the caravan route from Sahara to Marrakech, when the latter was the nation's capital. At the peak is a lone communal house - an "agadir" - used to store the village's valuable, encouraging unified defense in the event of attack (where kasbahs only facilitated for individual defense). The grandest of the city gates turns out to be a modern addition, built for the filming of Gladiator.



Argan oil co-operative

Back in Marrakech, the sky is sufficiently overcast that I can look directly at the sun as it sets, burning through the haze. Owing to several late nights and early starts, I take the opportunity to flop on to my bed and do nothing. Just before 8:00pm, the sirens sound, signalling sunset and the end of the day's fast. We make our way to the square, which is bustling with activity. Ibrahim and Mustafa wave us over to stall #117 and we sit at a single, long table, amidst the din of singing cooks, piles of tomatoes, olives and eggplant, roaming dessert carts loaded with sticky sweets, snake charmers, vendors brewing coffee and steam rising from the streets. Incredibly, it begins to rain, but only momentarily - Ibrahim informs us that annual rainfall does not exceed 15mm.


Waiters clamour through wall-to-wall diners with fresh orange juice. We enjoy Moroccan salad - plump tomatoes with Spanish onion, flat-leaf parsley and spices - potato croquettes, creamy, chargrilled eggplant, skewers of lamb, chicken and vegetables, some diabolical chips and mixed calamari and prawns with fresh lime, which I suck the juice out of.



After dinner, I wander the souks with the girls but V and I are tired and doubly exhausted by the markets and mandatory haggling. Crucially, I just cannot get excited about counterfeit handbags and ugly shoes, no matter how low the price is. The replica Hermes bags look especially cheap and simply scream Aspirational Fantasy of the Unwashed. Why the obsession with junk consumer goods that masquerade as having prestige? From where does this desire to accumulate useless trinkets spring? The markets sell everything from baby clothes to oversized furniture and most of that which is on offer is unremarkable and could be found at Chadstone Shopping Centre. I didn't need any of it and there was little to be found that had some unique connection to the city or its local artisans.





We rose early for a city tour with guide Mustafa, meeting in glossy Gueliz and making for the main mosque. On the back of a run-down on the mosque's history, M and I engage in a lively discussion about religion. She tells me she supports the ban on the headscarf in her native France, on the grounds of security and women's suffrage. I am uncertain of my position; I recognise the merit of her points, but I take issue with the notion that it is for the government to decide what we can and cannot wear and penalize us accordingly. It also seems to be an inversion of feminism; if we can agree that women are masters of themselves, who are we to turn that on its head and assume that women donning the hijab are being coerced? Can't the same argument be made about the usual suspects in Western society - cosmetics, high heels, breast implants? It seems that when it comes to choice and freedom of expression, to do so within the sphere of capitalism goes unquestioned; how an individual opts to spend their money is their business. If they've been subjected to manipulation by advertising, their actions are still considered to be driven by choice. Yet, religious coercion is subject to legislation, ignoring the agency that democracy grants in how people choose to observe their faith. I'm trying to envisage an attempt by a government to legislate the wearing of the crucifix and I cannot.
How does a society rationally and humanely discern who is truly making a choice and who is a victim of circumstance and oppression? Worse, the state relies on the effectiveness of spin and propaganda so that the citizenry is persuaded to support divisive policy, so how exactly are we supposed to take seriously attempts to rein in coercive religious practises? Obviously I'd benefit from sitting down with Chomsky's "Manufacturing Consent" when I am home...


Still on religion, I query Mustafa as to whether or not the French attempted to impose religion the populace during the occupation. "No," he tells me - in fact, the French were very sensitive to the local religious customs and what they did bring with them, the lingua Franca, administrative systems and infrastructure, the Moroccans were grateful for, lest they still be living in the Dark Ages, as Mustafa put it.

 

We then visit Palais Bahia, aka the Sultan's Pussy Palace - a fuck pad masquerading as an administrative hub. As fuck pads go, it's unassuming from the outside but inside is the stuff of all my Moroccan interior decorating fantasies.




The centre courtyard is framed by intricately carved columns and doorways, laid with tiles and exploding with flowering ginger plants and orange trees. The opulent interiors feature ceilings painted in florals, set off by ornate light fittings and an imposing fireplace. A second courtyard is all white, blinding in the midday sun. Through the passages, Mustafa leads us to the main entertaining quarter, with a dining room, a raised area for (blindfolded) musicians and a small "sleeping" area, where the sultan would retire with a wife/concubine in succession. "Guy sounds like a pig," D astutely points out.



Back in the market, we visit Epices Arenzoar, suppliers of tea, spices, herbal remedies, lotions and potions. We're offered smells and samples of ras el hanout, Nigella seeds, rose cream, almond cream, amber and jasmine oil, surely smelling like aggressive pot-pourri by the time we emerge. The cheerful shopkeeper regrets he's unable to offer us an experience of the virility treatment - "Ramadan, you know." I buy a pack of their ras el hanout, keen to cook many a Moroccan dish back home.

Mille et Une Nuits

It is 1:00pm and with the mercury up to 48, we retreat for our pre-arranged hammam. After a foot treatment, we're sent down to the darkened hammam waiting room, all red and gold-lit, with dark wood lockers inlaid with red stones lining the walls. We strip and are led through to the washroom for an initial bucketing with warm water and then to the suffocatingly steamy hammam. With our pores as wide open as the Todra Gorge, we're asked back to the adjoining washroom for a light scrub and a coating of mud, before being returned to the hammam to marinate. It's too much for D, who calls out pre-emptively to say she's had enough; chicken is done, as it were. I suck it up but the cool shower afterwards brings exhalation and relief, as well as a shampoo that leaves my hair feeling like something better than straw for the first time all week. I'm wrapped in a white robe and deposited in the waiting room with a glass of fresh mint tea, so relaxed I might melt into a puddle. I join C in the circular, upstairs lounge, all cushions and comfort, for another cup of tea. At last I feel less like a sweaty, desert hog and more like a polished, African princess (skeptical as I am of these treatments having any real effect, my skin does feel velvet-y).

On the way "home," some misguided vendor thinks the way to encourage us to buy water is to throw it over us. I exclaim angrily but my electronics are fine so he escapes further admonishment. At the hotel, we have our last meeting with Ibrahim and Mustafa, who've organised a delicious, triple mousse birthday cake with tempered chocolate for N (as well as lacquered, wooden camel souvenirs for us all).